❤️ I've got a few exciting announcements to make!🎉

1. If you're in the metro Detroit area of Michigan, I'd love to see you at the Brighton District Library author fair on Sunday, November 17th! I will be joining twelve other authors that day to sell books and sign your things (want me to sign your book? Definitely. Want me to sign your journal? Sure. I asked Chuck Palahniuk to do that for me once.) 🖋

2. In addition to my book, I'll have some lipstick, stickers, and other fun things too. You can buy those separately, or get one free with the purchase of a book! 💄

3. 🔥 This is the first time I'm announcing this, but if you're excited about the interactive novel Raising Women, then get excited for its expansion pack. Next summer I'll be releasing a collection of short stories; each story will feature a woman from Raising Women, giving you more insight into their pasts and futures! I am telling you this because I'll have free copies of chapbooks with a few stories from that collection that you can take. 📖

(Also, a reminder: the holidays are coming up. Come get some books for you and/or your family and friends and support local authors!) Let's gooooo. I'd love to chat with you!

If you're on Facebook, let the library know you're coming and respond to the invite here.

In a previous post, "5 Ways to Create Visceral Images in Writing," I briefly talk about my experience with synesthesia. I knew when I wrote about it though that I'd eventually want to dive into it more, and talk about how it impacts the things I make. I'm going to get really nerdy now about how I experience synesthesia, and how I use it to make mix CDs.

Synesthesia is when someone experiences one of their senses through another (like tasting colors or seeing sounds). I have grapheme-color synesthesia. This is when someone associates a color with a symbol such as letters and/or numbers. For example, the letter e is a dark, navy blue for me. The number one is a very pale yellow, close to white. The name Justin is a blue (although can sometimes be a green depending on last name). I don’t know why these things are what they are, they just are (and the colors associated may be different for different people). I also have chromesthesia where I see colors when I hear sounds. I have minds-eye synesthesia though. This means that I only know the colors when I think about them; I don't actually see rooms full of colors when I hear or read things. Experiencing words and sounds with colors though does impact the words I choose when writing, or the songs I put on my mixes.
 
I’ve noticed that my synesthesia affects the things I read and write. I find that I especially love books or stories or poems that use words with strong colors, and when all of the words in the piece tend to lean toward a cohesive color scheme (like the story tends to use words with colors that create a black, red, and silver color scheme or a variety of navies and purples). This probably isn’t anything the writer’s thinking about when they do it, and even if they were thinking about it, they probably weren’t writing words that fit the same colors I see, BUT when it works for me, it really works for me.
 
In this post though, I'm going to focus more on my chromesthesia, and how I use it to make (really great) mix CDs.

Listen, I'm eighty years old and I don't have a smart phone, still use an iPod, and still listen to CDs. I also still make mixes (CDs, not to be confused with drinks), and I take great pride in the craft that goes into them. I'm going to clarify how I define a mix though because I consider mixes to be different than playlists.

Playlist - A playlist is a bunch of songs grouped together so they can be listened to at the same time. They can follow the same theme, they can just be what someone's into at the time, whatever. There's no rhyme or reason as to which songs get added to a playlist.
Mix - A mix is an art. A mix is very intentional, and songs on the mix are put on there because they convey a certain meaning. Additionally, mixes flow. I want listeners to finish a mix of mine and understand that it was a curated, seamless piece.
And I will clarify, a mix doesn't have to be on a CD - it's about the songs on it, the order they're in, etc. It's about the process of putting it together, not the format the songs are in/on.
 
My mixes, at minimum, take hours, although usually they take weeks, and often can take months to finish. It is a lot of work deciding on the songs that work thematically, and use sounds that work together. This is where my chromesthesia comes in. It's especially helpful paying attention to the songs' colors because the colors identify if the songs will flow from one to another. Like, it's really hard for me to feel confident about a mix that has bright red songs, sky blue songs, purple songs, and yellow songs. Don't get me wrong - usually, any one song has a few colors going on it, BUT there's a general color or vibe that it has, and the majority (if not all) of the other songs need to have overlapping color similarities in them for me to feel good about the mix.

Here's a mix I feel very confident in:
We Are Here
1. Just Saying - Jamie xx
2. Mind on Fire - Aisha Badru
3. She Burns - Foy Vance
4. First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
5. Honey - Sir Sly
6. Meet Me At Our Spot - THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole
7. Can't Help Falling Love (cover) - Twenty One Pilots
8. Sparks - Fleurie
9. Crystaline - JOME
10. Carry You - Novo Amor
11. Seaside - Haux
12. Just Saying - Jamie xx

We start with Jamie xx's "Just Saying" which has a dark feel to it - it's black with some dark greens and other-color highlights. It feels like a night in the forest. This transitions into "Mind on Fire" which is similarly breathy and dark - a perfect transition. It feels like they were meant to go together. The ending paces well into "She Burns." "She Burns" is a different color though - a light blue and light brown. It woks okay though because of the easy transition between the two, and because that brown isn't too far off from the black in the previous song. Now that "She Burns" has lightened the colors up a little, it makes it easier to move into the next Bright Eyes song, which is a yellow and brown. These browns feel a little classic, which is different than the moody breathy beginning, but the color changes (from darker to lighter) work with the lyric changes (as the lyrics in each song get more hopeful). Bright Eyes moves into Sir Sly's "Honey" which brings us back to some black shades, but also some yellow (which transitions nicely from First Day's browns and yellows). This song ends with some bright colors splashed on blacks and moves into "Meet Me At Our Spot" which has pops of bright colors. Our acoustic Twenty One Pilot's cover is then a brown and yellow shade, which helps the pops of yellow from the previous song transition. We're back to some darker hues in "Sparks", but again - those pops of brighter colors. That seems to be a large connector through most of these songs. "Crystalline" is a little more colorful. There are some subtle pinks and purples in it, but there is still an underlying shade of brown/black. "Carry You" is lighter. It's a light blue, but it has silver and yellow highlights in it. This moves into "Seaside" which is a beautiful light blue and silver. It's breathy though. We then end back with "Just Saying" which, isn't the same color, but breathy still.

I feel really good about this mix because many songs have primarily black bases, with pops of colors that are then mirrored in other songs without black bases. Many of the songs have an airy, breathy element to them, and we flow nicely between tempos.

Beside considering colors, I also have to consider pacing. You can't have too many slow songs in a row, or fast songs with competing beats. I also always make sure that I include a few songs that I knew the person I'm making the mix for likes. This is so, in case they don't know songs on the mix and start to zone out, I can bring them back in with things they like. I typically make sure song 3-ish is a song I know the person likes, and then another few spread throughout. I try to keep my mixes between 12-14 songs.

So to sum up, when I make mixes, I consider:

• Lyrics & the overall message/theme
• Songs the listener knows/likes
• Song colors
• Pacing/tempo

The worst is when there's a song that's perfect in meaning but you have to cut it because sound-wise it just. doesn't. work. Ugh. RIP to some songs that got cut for the betterment of the mix as a whole (although when I do this, the mix is usually a knockout after. It just sucks. I spend hours trying to find where to put it in the mix so it will work, and then I kill it anyway).

This is why making a mix is a very in-depth process (for me, anyway), and very different from a playlist (of which I have many! I listen to a lot of playlists at the gym where I just have songs on them that I want to listen to). My mixes are an art and, like I said, take up to months to finish. It's so satisfying to finish one though that hits just right and flows perfect. Not all of them are perfect. Sometimes I settle on a song or two that isn't hitting how it needs to, but I can't figure out what to replace it with. They can't all be knockouts I guess. Haha.
 
Anyway, this probably sounds wild, BUT I swear it’s a thing, and it’s an element of how I, personally, find writing and music that feel concise. In the near future, I'll be sharing the mix I made for Raising Women. It incorporates both plot elements and vibes and does so with some beautiful color transitions. If you've gotten to this point in me rambling about the weird colors I "see", then you might appreciate my mix for the book a little more.

Keep an eye out!

I don't typically do film reviews, but I'll make an exception for Thirteen (2003).

I had never seen this movie before (as it goes with me and most movies... Hah. I'm a book reader.) but when my friend Lindee and I went on a walk one day, she suggested I check it out. She told me it sounded similar to Raising Women, so I went home that night, bought it, and watched it. She was right.

Thirteen follows Tracy (Evan Rachel Wood), a thirteen year old dealing with her alcoholic mom, mom's addict boyfriend, distant father,  and trying to fit in. Then to make things more challenging upon starting the new school year, she notices everyone loves Evie, a girl who dresses hot, seems unconcerned with school, and into risky behavior. A girl very different from her. The girls get closer and escalate their risky behavior: sneaking out, hanging out with groups of boys into their own rough behaviors, and trying to seduce a man who's over eighteen. The girls start taking different kinds of drugs and piercing themselves. Additionally, Tracy cuts herself throughout the film as the pressure of feeling misunderstood grows. The visuals often feel intentionally casually shot, and the colors change as toxic behaviors and suspense increase.

While plot similarities between Thirteen and Raising Women exist (like self-destructive behavior and the desire to belong among other things), Lindee was more specifically comparing the two texts' audiences when she said this film and my book were alike.

On the surface, Thirteen may seem like it's targeted at teens. The plot primarily follows these thirteen-year-olds and the challenging experiences they have. Similarly, Raising Women may seem like it's Young Adult (and early conversations have shown that this is what some people identify it as just based on the blurb). Like Thirteen, Raising Women's main character is a teen going through her experiences in present day. Arguably though, these assessments are wrong.

There are subtle details that nod toward why teens are not the intended audiences. Regarding Thirteen, film critic Roger Ebert says, "Who is this movie for? Not for most 13-year-olds, that's for sure. The R rating is richly deserved, no matter how much of a lark the poster promises." Sure, the main characters are teens dealing with stuff teens may deal with, but the R rating wouldn't have allowed teens to see it in theaters - so they couldn't have been the intended audience. One of the things that helps this film lean away from a teen audience is Tracy's mother, Mel. While the movie doesn't focus on Mel's experiences like the girls', there are enough scenes that show the struggle she has with handling Tracy's behavior that make Mel an also important character, and for viewers to understand her perspective of her daughter's behavior. This supports the argument that instead of targeting teens, the film is aimed at adults, specifically women, who can commiserate with all of these characters and the various stages (teen girl, mother, friend) they are going through. This isn't to say that teens don't identify with this film (according to Lindee, it became sort of a cult classic that teens watched after the film came out on tape). It's just not the intended audience. Hardwick co-wrote it with fourteen-year-old Nikki Reed, but brought her own adult perspective to it.

Raising Women has similar audience overlaps. The Professional Writing Academy says, "First up, YA isn’t a genre: it’s an age range. YA fiction is aimed at a target audience aged 12-18." They then go on to list typical characteristics for YA, and most of them happen in Raising Women, BUT Raising Women's target audience isn't 12-18. Sure, teens can read this (I was reading Fight Club, Invisible Monsters, and Lolita in high school), but I wrote it for adults. More specifically, I guess you could say "unhinged millennial women"... hah. My intended audience is women who knew the girls in this book. These women like dark psychological stories. These women read coming of age tales, especially ones that aren't aimed at teens. I mean, first, Raising Women is set in the 90s/2000s, and it's not that teens can't read books set in different time periods, but as a contemporary fiction piece, setting a realistic fiction piece a few decades ago isn't trying hard to connect with them. Additionally, the primary characters outside of "you" (a teen) are both adults. The themes in this book are ones that women who have already grown up would identify with. The women I wrote this for are already pre-ordering this book. Sure, teens can read it, but I didn't write this for teens. I wrote it for women who want to feel like they're reading something real, and feel like they see themselves in that real thing they just read.

If you loved Thirteen, than you'll also love Raising Women. Both of these stories follow girls who feel lost and left behind, and nudged into figuring things out. Reader Xavier said, "The whole story has followed You creating an identity as a woman amidst an infinity of mixed signals and potential dangers, an these lines really take that to a deeper level by pointing at the fact that this is not exclusive to You." This is meant to make readers feel connected, but moreso the women who used to be the girls that got left behind and had to figure out how to be a women amidst an infinity of mixed signals. This is their story, just like I think Thirteen is the story for women trying to figure out how to be an adult that raises those girls.

Raising Women says, "Adults are supposed to know it all. They’re supposed to have all the answers, but no one ever gave them the answers. Who was the first adult? Who’s the one to have known it all?"

Preorder Raising Women here

Are you interested in receiving an ARC eBook of Raising Women?? Sign up using this form now! You'll hear back at the beginning of the week of September 16. The book will be provided through NetGalley and will be available for a month.

📖 RAISING WOMEN:
🖋 Self-destructive decisions
🖋 Girls destroying girls
🖋 Womanhood
🖋 Reality (and when the lines blur)
🖋 Queerness
🖋 Interactive fiction

Ready to dive into a world where vulnerability meets edge? My upcoming interactive novel, Raising Women, is an immersive journey into the raw and real, and in addition to the book releasing in just over a month, I've got something else that's extra special for you.

Many women will remember cootie catchers (millennials will anyway. Maybe older or younger too? I'm not sure how much they did or didn't play this game). You'd write down colors and numbers and futures and ask your friends to pick, and then you'd all laugh at their tragic outcome. If someone was lucky, they might get rich. (Where are those girls at? I could borrow some money.)

In case you're out of the loop, cootie catchers are origami figures that are used as fortune tellers. The outer parts of the cootie catcher are typically labelled with colors or numbers that a player chooses from, and the fortune teller moves the little paper device, counting numbers based on what was chosen,and then land on the four inside flaps. One of those gets chosen and read aloud. There you go. That's your future, all predicted over the course of twenty seconds.

I'm excited to share that you can now download the exclusive cootie catcher inspired by the book for free! This cootie catcher will offer you predictions straight from the novel. The outer layer of the cootie catcher had a word related to the book, inside you get some numbers to choose from, then you finally get your fortune. This game is not just a trip down memory lane though — it’s a new way to engage with the heart of the story. With each fold and fortune, you’ll explore the darkly delightful twists and turns of your own journey.

Print this, cut it out, and enjoy!

And here are directions on how to put it together in case you forgot.

We're getting so close - just over a month away.
Pre-order here!

And check out the Raising Women site for downloads and other things.

I'm here to share with you the Raising Women book trailer.

We're getting so close - just over a month away.
Pre-order here!

And check out the Raising Women site for downloads and other things.

Video clips shot by the forever wonderful Lindee Robinson Photography.

I'm not sure what to think about I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman (translated by Ros Schwartz), but it's not entirely what I was expecting (based on the back cover and reviews). It wasn't bad... just, not what I thought. Like when you expect to drink water and then realize you took a sip of Sprite.

I loved the idea of these women being trapped in a cage for some unknown reason, with guards watching them for some unknown reason. And then they escaped, and you're like YES. There's going to be some action! And then there never is... Yes, it's desolate like some reviews say, but other than a very short scene or two, I didn't feel much, and I really wanted this book to make me feel (based on the concept it had). Most of the text was just a lot of wandering.

Critically, I can understand the purpose behind this book, and how if maybe I was to discuss this with others (which I will with my book club next month) I might appreciate certain aspects more. It brings up the idea of community, and how we become who we become, and what we are without those things. It makes you consider the point of life, especially if you are simply on your own with no community. It brings to light motives, and others' stories, and who are people if we don't know who they are? There are many thematic elements that this story brings to light that would be fascinating to discuss with people.

But reading it as it is and reflecting on it by myself, I was left... meh. Wanting more. As a story, it felt like much didn't happen. It isn't a long book, but I felt like Harpman could have written a short story about this and packed a far more powerful punch on these themes. And, to be fair, maybe that's part of the message - forcing readers to metaphorically wander with nothing to do, like the women in the book had to do, but I don't know. This book started off with so many riveting questions and really led me to believe there were going to be answers. I was excited to see what the reasons for the conflict were, but then we got nothing. I think I expected more transgression. In my blog post "What is Transgressive Fiction?" I summarize other author's definitions of the genre:

Palahniuk: Fiction that has characters who misbehave and commit crimes as political acts of civil disobedience.
D’Hont: Fiction that evolves and represents the sociopolitical shifts it explores.
Morrison: Fiction that analyzes the limits of the world.
While all of these definitions involve limits in some way, they still vary from each other. So I’ll look at a few more definitions…

I then go on to say, I think that all of those things, combined with writing techniques and contemporary trademarks (like unreliable narrators with conversational/dialectical tones, for example), are what make the stories that are most widely recognized as transgressive fiction earn that label.

With women endlessly trapped in a cage, watched over by male guards, I expected misbehaving and crimes. I expected gender norms and social commentary. I expected sociopolitics. I thought this book would be more transgressive, but instead it was a little more of a dystopia with no action. It did explore the limits of the world, and I think that is what reviewers who have given it a high rating are holding onto.


Read below if you want my thoughts that includes SPOILERS:
We never find out why the women get locked in a cage. Additionally, we find out that there are other camps set up exactly the same with the same number of women locked in them - then we find out there are also the same camps of men. Still, we never find out why any of these people had been locked up - what was the motive? (And honestly, I was disappointed when we found out there were camps of men too. I feel like the book's message would/could have been drastically different if it had just been women, but also men? And yet we never find out why they were there, what set off some alarms, what happened to everyone else in the world, and like... I get the message is kind of laid out to us at the end, but having these cages of men threw it off for me.) With the title being I Who Have Never Known Men, I thought the book was going to have something specific to say about men/gender, but now I wonder if it was referring to humans and not men? Because men had to deal with the same traumas of being in a post-apocalyptic world, and she decided they also didn't know what was going on. So what does it matter that she's a woman who never knew men? I thought there would be a cooler critique on society regarding that and there wasn't.

The writing is good, and I like the characters and how they are developed, and I like the ideas the book introduces. I would probably like this better if it was for a college class where we discussed it and built arguments about the piece, but as a book I was reading for fun, I wanted something more, and if not all the answers, at least one or two. Instead MC just lives trapped in a cage, escapes, wanders around never knowing community and then she dies. I guess not having this information is saying something, and I guess not having this information can lead us to come up with our own answers, but... meh.

Additionally, I didn't quite understand some details logistically. For example, these wandering women survived by eating food they found at all the other abandoned cage shelters, including meat. For 30+ years? Meat can't last that long, even frozen.

So three and a half? four? stars because it wasn't bad, and I liked the idea and all of that, but ... this could have been really cool and it felt like it was trying but didn't hit the mark. Like, Harpman didn't know the answers to this cool plot herself, so she just let the not answering anything at the end be some deeper meaning instead.

I love experimenting, and playing with different forms. Last year I decided I wanted to write a piece of literary fiction that incorporated an interactive fiction form (I'll blog more about writing in this way soon). Then this last December, I just dove in and decided to do it - I started writing Raising Women. It wasn't planned; I had just finished a fiction workshop for my fall semester and had another one in the winter semester and was in the middle of writing other things, but for two weeks I just decided to write this. I knocked out most of the first draft then, then revisited it a few months later to finish it. Many rounds of editing and revising later, and I'm extremely excited to reveal the cover and announce that Raising Women will be released on October 11th!   Learn more about it here. Look out for more blogs about how I wrote this, what I love about it, and other fun freebies that are coming soon.

I'm excited to share that my one sentence story "Who Branded Jesus?" has been published over on Complete Sentence today.

This is one of those stories that was inspired by the title. I was thinking about crosses hanging from necks and rearview mirrors, fish stickers on the back of cars, and Jesus paintings and t-shirts. I asked myself, who branded Jesus? And then added it to my writing document, which then turned into this story you can read today. I did a bit of research before writing this, and combined what I learned with a contemporary character who would then symbolize my frustration and rage with America's growing ideologies, idolizations, and obsessions.

It's not a sweet story, but I never claim to write sweet stories.

Please enjoy my very long, one sentence story.